The following letter was penned in the early morning hours of Saturday, February 21st, 2009 following the final episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Mr. Babeuf has a long history with the show, having smoked his first bowl of opium with Max Weinberg 7 member "La Bamba" as well as losing his virginity to the shows announcer Joel Goddard. After writing this letter Mr. Babeuf became so disparaged that he jumped in his car and drove into the night. His current whereabouts are unknow. He left behind a note that read "Gone fishing? More like gone missing." It was written on a torn out page of the phonebook's PHARMACY section. If you have any information please contact TheDiscoVietnam.com. Enjoy.
This is not an easy letter to start writing. The past sixteen years have been filled with so many wonderful memories that I don’t know where to begin. More than anything I would just like to say thank you. Thank you for everything. I had only existed for a mere six years before you came into the world and I surely had no idea at the time what sort of impact you would have on my person. There are only a few threads that have extended through my life as yours has. Other than The Simpson’s and the San Antonio Spurs there has been no constant in my life like you.
I remember our youthful days, I in middle school, you still getting your sea legs about you. I would lay awake in my bed waiting for my parents to retire for the night so I could sneak back into the living room to watch you -- with closed captions of course, so as not to wake my parents. You have helped form the childish, foolish and sometimes inappropriate nature that I have come to embody and I would not change this for the world.
I remember when our relationship really began to take off to the next level. It was a time in my life that I refer to as “those college days.” My sophomore year – my first apartment -- that was true freedom. Throughout the course of the year I am sure that I viewed at least 70% of your shows. And this was before Hulu.com or Tivo. You were putting such amazing work out there every single night that it was the least I could do to repay you -- to watch you at your proper hour. I also recall being very adamant that I had a properly rolled marijuana cigarette ready to light as the monologue began. Oh college.
These were my most formative days. And you helped mold and shape so much of what I am today. As a young lad you introduced me to the art known as masturbation through the omnipresent Masturbating Bear. And I so distinctly remember that time in middle school when you introduced me to the concept of a camel toe with the underappreciated character known as Camel Toe Annie. Late Night became more than just a talk show. It became the starting point for a cultural upheaval. It became an exclusive club in and of itself. The world became: Those Who Watch Late Night and The Others.
But now you are moving on. And I know The Tonight Show will be above and beyond what it is now, but alas, things will never be the same. Being the sophisti-ma-cated writer that I am I knew I would need an analogy for this, because that’s what we writers do.
Late Night, you have become one of my good friends. You were there for me every night when I needed you. You became much like my brother. My older brother is also my closest of friends and companions. We went through a lot together, got in trouble together and had some great times. But then that day came. I got the call: “Hello, brother. It is me, your brother. And I am going to get married.”
This is how I feel about you Late Night. I am so happy that you are moving on to the next stage in your life, really hitting the big time, and you certainly deserve it more than anyone. But still, I feel like I am losing a best friend. My brother got married, and not much changed. We still got in trouble together and had great times together, but it just isn’t the same. And it never will be so again.
I will still follow your every move with just as much detail. I will be the first in line to come see your new entity. Because I owe this to you. Sixteen years of comedy like that is unheard of. Five nights a week for sixteen years. I cannot begin to fathom the genius it takes to pull something like that off. Late Night, you have given me so much and never asked anything in return. So all I can offer you is this farewell and the most heartfelt, sincere “Thank You” I have ever given a person. Seriously – thank you.
Forever indebted,
Thaddeus Babeuf
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